The most severe life-changing events which people can face include losing a parent along with job loss or house loss and suffering from illnesses that drain their finances. For instance, a person who loses their parent becomes deeply devastated when the parent stood in high capacity in their lives. During their emotional turmoil grieving individuals commonly express themselves destructively through angry outbursts as well as emotional detachment and controlling behavior. Such toxic behaviors stem primarily from emotional deep suffering and personal damage in managing grief because these actions strain relationships.
This article investigates methods to manage troubling situations while demonstrating care and using educated decisions and preserving one’s self.
a) Understanding Grief and Toxicity
The nature of grief produces a complicated spiritual journey for each individual because it affects everyone uniquely. The death of a most important person in one’s life often brings forth powerful emotions such as anger alongside guilt combined with despair. The emotions take shape as harmful conduct when individuals display violent reactions toward people close to them or choose to disconnect socially.
Why Grieving Individuals Become Toxic
The root cause of toxicity in grieving people stems from emotional suffering and failure to tackle overwhelming emotional situations. Grieving individuals often exhibit toxic behavior because anger emerges as a typical stage in the five stages that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross describes (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2014). During grief a person typically transfers their angry emotions to other people by making them answerable for the sadness or trying to mend the grieving process.
Many psychological studies indicate grief causes emotional deregulation which hinders persons from expressing emotions effectively (Stroebe et al., 2007). The struggle to process their loss makes grieving people exhibit toxic conduct which includes emotional manipulation or passive-aggressiveness.
b) Philosophical Perspectives on Handling Toxicity in Grieving People
Investigation of philosophy introduces us to vital information concerning how to address toxic outcomes resulting from grief phases. Philosophical investigation of existentialism and ethical theory and stoicism helps establish beneficial support practices for people going through grief by combining understanding with balance.
Existentialism: Finding Meaning in Suffering
In their philosophical approach Jean-Paul Sartre together with Viktor Frankl established that human existence requires enduring constant pain as one of its essential elements. Frankl displayed through his Holocaust experience how suffering can be transformed into emotional strength when people extricate purpose from their pain (Frankl, 2006). Our assistance helps toxic friends experience recovery by helping them find meaningful value through activities that respect their deceased mother during their grieving process.
Levinas’ Ethics of the Other
Emmanuel Levinas presents via his body of work an ethical mandate to treat people ethically regardless of the unacceptable aspects in their actions and behaviors (Levinas, 1969). People who exhibit toxic behavior during grief need help not criticism thus it is essential to understand their genuine need. Creating a supportive environment using empathetic approaches will allow grief-stricken people to express their emotional pain.
Virtue Ethics: Cultivating Patience and Kindness
Aristotle extends beyond traditional ethics to maintain that human development needs patient behavior plus wise attributes and noble qualities (Aristotle, 2009). Virtue ethics provides ethical principles for delivering caring assistance to grieving friends who might be toxic without harming our emotional well-being.
Stoicism: Managing Emotional Responses
According to Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, Stoic teaching reveals the proper strategy for controlling emotions during real-life situations (Aurelius 2002). Within interactions with harmful people we practice detachment to support them without letting their unpleasant conduct harm us internally. The method requires setting boundaries which support emotional well-being.
c) Practical Strategies for Responding to Toxic Grief
People who want to handle grief-induced toxicity must use both empathy along with practical approaches and appropriate limits. Here are some actionable steps:
Active Listening and Validation
When communicating with a grieving person show full attention to their feelings while making sure you avoid judging their condition. Regardless of whether you’ve experienced the same type of loss a grieving individual has gone through active validation helps them feel understood (Rogers, 1957).
Setting Boundaries
Physical and mental well-being requires setting boundaries after demonstrating compassion to others. When dealing with someone during grief you should state “I want to support you yet I need proper treatment from you.”
Encouraging Healing Practices
Through therapeutic recommendations about counselling and support groups the grieving person can obtain useful tools to handle their emotional responses. The process of healing is supported through journaling or spiritual reflection and art therapy practice as described by Neimeyer in 2012.
Using Stoic Detachment
Using Stoic detachment involves preserving your inner peace despite providing helpful support to those around you. Only you should control your own actions by understanding that you cannot eliminate their grief according to Epictetus (2008).
d) Real-Life Scenario
Isaac Ruto, the ex-Governor of Bomet County is a perfect example. The passing of Leah Ruto in 2017 triggered erratic confrontational behavior from Isaac while he navigated personal and public life. The death of his wife seemed to cause an increase in his combative nature and public displays of anger that people linked to his fight with grief.
Isaac participated in multiple public confrontations together with numerous verbal arguments which involved both his political opponents and his allies during this time. His aggressive conduct created unusual perception in observers who suggested his emotional state from grief could be acting upon his decisions. The people around Isaac attributed his aggressive behavior to his grief since he struggled to overcome the death of his spouse (Standard Digital, 2017).
e) The Balance between Compassion and Self-Preservation
Providing support to a grieving friend remains essential but you also need to establish proper care of your own emotional state.
When to Walk Away
The emergence of abusive patterns through verbal or emotional manipulation may require you to establish physical distance from the person. Your mental health protection stands as essential because it is not selfish behavior.
Helping Without Being Consumed
Your act of helping does not involve becoming responsible for their intense sorrow. Providing support to grieving individuals becomes possible through healthy emotional limits combined with self-preservation activities.
Conclusion
Caring for grief-related toxicity in your friendship requires simultaneous self-preservation with emotional care for your friend. Your ability to help your grieving friend exists through your knowledge of grief’s psychological aspects and philosophy and through boundary creation and supportive healing approaches. A stoic approach built on empathy and detachment and wisdom will let you develop grace and resilience to handle these challenging situations.
References
- Standard Digital. (2017, October 10). Isaac Ruto’s grief and political battles. Retrieved from https://www.standardmedia.co.ke
- (2009). Nicomachean Ethics(W. D. Ross, Trans.). Oxford University Press.
Aurelius, M. (2002). Meditations (G. Long, Trans.). Dover Publications. - Daily Nation. (2020, March 15). Politician’s grief turns toxic after mother’s death. Retrieved from https://www.nation.co.ke
- (2008). The Enchiridion(T. W. Higginson, Trans.). Dover Publications.
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press. - Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.
- Levinas, E. (1969). Totality and Infinity: An Essay on Exteriority(A. Lingis, Trans.). Duquesne University Press.
- Neimeyer, R. A. (2012). Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved. Routledge.
- Rogers, C. R. (1957). The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions of Therapeutic Personality Change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95-103.
- Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health Outcomes of Bereavement. The Lancet, 370(9603), 1960-1973.
