A Conversation That Lingers
An intense talk recently consumed me after it occurred. The conversation occurred with my brother, who holds strong views about two estranged siblings. The eldest sibling from the family rents a small place in a neighboring market as she conducts various small businesses to make ends meet. She chooses to live apart from her family because she avoids regular contact with her siblings, with whom she used to be close. According to his source, a woman who extended hospitality to them, his brother, explained emphatically that she manifested an underlying psychological issue. She behaves toward people and situations in ways that cause all connections to dissolve. According to his description, she displays unexpected confrontations that make people withdraw from her because of her sudden bursts of temper.
Seeing Beyond the Surface
We understand each other since I observe her in ways that go past her difficult behavior. A firstborn position requires her to bear unspoken responsibilities for leadership and endurance while needing to maintain everything together. She lost her parents long ago, and their absence might be buried under her defensive nature. My brother questioned me about the reason she showed unusual behavior after losing her parents since it appeared to impact her exclusively. His claim that he could not understand how she acted struck me as he didn’t know her siblings, whereas none of us have experienced meeting them to compare. Her brother and my other friend are the only ones I’ve met from her siblings who occasionally exhibit quick surges of temper but return to normalcy before the next time we meet. Their issues appear different even though they express their problems through unique but equivalent patterns.
Introducing the Philosophical Lens
Sartre’s Burden of Freedom
Their rift gnaws at me. My position as their friend exposes me to a challenging middle ground since these two important individuals stay distant from one another. This issue reaches beyond their personal experience. The fragmentation of families and damage to social networks stems from how siblings push away from each other because they identify differing aspects of themselves as separate. Understanding their situation becomes essential because I wish to provide assistance while creating possibilities to aid people in similar situations. Using the philosophical perspective of his time, Jean-Paul Sartre proposes a useful means to study this complex area. Sartre established his claim as an existentialist giant when he said that human beings face “condemnation to freedom” (Sartre, 1943/2003). The essence of freedom appears as stressful rather than beneficial. Sartre presents that people create their identity via personal decisions instead of life occurrences, even when their past is burdensome (Sartre, 1946/2007).
Exploring the Problem
The Sister’s Defiance
My friend, the sister, maintains her confrontational nature because she refuses to compromise when facing expectations as the eldest child and the difficult situation of being orphaned. Sartre could interpret her behavior as an active acceptance of freedom, which ignores conventional societal expectations about how she should live her life, according to Beauvoir (1948/1976). He would also probe: Does her behavior amount to being in “bad faith”? The protective persona she has constructed makes her doubt herself about the motives behind her behavior as she refuses to see her hidden potential to genuinely connect through honest communication. (Sartre, 1943/2003).
The Brother’s Denial
Her brother, too, falls under Sartre’s gaze. His brief bursts of rage disappear the following instant, implying he lacks control over his behaviors. Sartre would question his brother by asking if he recognizes this freedom or if he uses it to justify himself through his self-identity. Through his creation of one central problem with his sister, he avoids seeing himself in her reflection despite her reflecting traits he perhaps has but refuses to accept (Flynn, 2014). Their parents’ passing along with their family companion’s disintegration represent acted events since they are mere accidents and not destiny. According to Sartre, every person is responsible for choosing their responses to existing circumstances (Sartre, 1946/2007).
A Shared Struggle
This isn’t just about them. Siblings face continuous conflicts that split their relationships for multiple reasons, including deep emotional wounds, stubborn pride, and unresolved arguments. According to psychologists, birth order positions and life events produce unique sibling perceptions throughout families (Sulloway, 1996). The initial child assumes responsibility, while the younger offspring feels neglected. Yet, according to McAdams (2015), they maintain the same origins. Sartre presents existential thinking to demonstrate that a permanent existence of blame on family origin is impossible. Eventually, each person chooses their identity and their position within relationships, according to Catalano (2010).
Universal Appeal
A Choice in Solitude
When the sister leaves to enter the market, a philosophical intention emerges through this physical separation that symbolizes becoming independent. She develops her life according to her personal preferences, even though it means leading a single existence. The bold character’s actions would earn Sartre’s admiration as she refuses familial standards to constrain her identity (Sartre, 1948/1995). He explored these choices further by considering whether genuine freedom existed or if the decision stemmed from avoiding genuine reconciliation efforts.
A Question for All
The issue presents itself to everyone, including all of us: Should we intensify our personal freedom during conflicts with loved ones, or should we attempt to reconcile our differences? This isn’t about fixing them. I neither qualify as a therapist nor do Sartre possess savior-like qualities. It’s about understanding. Our families dissolve through our passive decisions instead of necessary fate. Sartre presents existentialism through his teachings by eliminating all possible excuses because freedom gives us the power to heal and forgive while granting us the choice to walk away (Flynn, 2014).
Conclusion
The Gift Beneath the Weight
According to Sartre, the concept of freedom burdens individuals with its weight. Choosing represents an unanticipated burden despite natural urges to escape. At its core, freedom reveals itself as a granting opportunity for approaching others and making an effort to recover and make connections despite the challenges. I will continue asking my friends such questions since I lack their answers but trust they possess the solutions. Through questioning ourselves, we will accumulate shared courage to manage this burden.
References
Beauvoir, S. de. (1976). The ethics of ambiguity (B. Frechtman, Trans.). Citadel Press. (Original work published 1948)
Catalano, J. S. (2010). Reading Sartre. Cambridge University Press.
Flynn, T. R. (2014). Sartre: A philosophical biography. Cambridge University Press.
McAdams, D. P. (2015). The art and science of personality development. Guilford Press.
Morris, K. J. (2017). Sartre on the body. Palgrave Macmillan.
Priest, S. (2001). Jean-Paul Sartre: Basic writings. Routledge.
Sartre, J.-P. (2003). Being and nothingness: An essay on phenomenological ontology (H. E. Barnes, Trans.). Routledge. (Original work published 1943)
Sartre, J.-P. (2007). Existentialism is a humanism (C. Macomber, Trans.). Yale University Press. (Original work published 1946)
Sartre, J.-P. (1995). The wall and other stories (L. Alexander, Trans.). New Directions. (Original work published 1948)
Sulloway, F. J. (1996). Born to rebel: Birth order, family dynamics, and creative lives. Pantheon Books.
